Tag Archives: God

Power Struggle

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don’t know what it is?

try dealing with a 2year old toddler everyday and you’ll know the exact meaning of it. don’t have to be in politics or business.

nearly everyday i have to struggle with Arielle on simple things like eating her food, toning down so she doesn’t wake her brother up, getting dressed, going to bed… but most of all, not to touch things she shouldn’t be touching.

she listens according to her mood or when chocolate is offered (this is a sureproof way) but most of the time; 7 out of 10, she just does whatever she wants whatever we say. things get worse when i’ve to attend to Ashton first.

just yesterday during nap time, she said she’s not sleepy (when she is!) and doesn’t want to nap – usually, i’ll convince her to sleep but yesterday i thought i’ll let her go her own way. so i told her, if you don’t want to nap, you mustn’t cry later and no tantrums.

O.K!

so with much difficulty, i put Ashton to bed because this lil missy was making so much noise; whining and playing with stuff. and then she started getting cranky and asking for this and that (not really wanting them), just being ‘funny’; touching things she knows she shouldn’t. so after much heedless warnings from me, she got some smacking. she cried very loudly and terribly as if it’s the worst thing ever and didn’t want to stop. needless to say Ashton got up, and because he didn’t get enough sleep, he cried as well.

OH!!! i was soooo mad – emotionally and psychologically!! these kind of days really test my patience and sanity. i felt as if i could slap her senseless.

and then i’m reminded about what LOVE is supposed to be in 1 Corinthhians 13:4-8, through a bookmark which i was using for a book i was reading. wonder why i didn’t really notice the contents before.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is no proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.’

oh Lord forgive me for being so quick to anger. i pray that i’ll always be reminded of this so that i’m able to be a good parent to these 2 small, innocent and beautiful children of mine.

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Grace Flows Down

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His Grace is sufficient for me.

it’s going to be 2weeks now since Ashton’s born and he’s nothing like his older sister! Arielle was an easy baby… an angel, she hardly ever cried even when she’s hungry. Ashton however cries very very VERY loudly when he’s hungry, especially when he’s hungry and not getting his milk. this time i’ve chosen to breastfeed baby fully and so far it’s proven to be quite a challenge for me.

some days are good when he’s latching on properly, other nights are horrible when he cries and cries and forgets how to latch and that made me panic and frustrated as well. with sleepless nights and body aches, he’s being a big bully when he doesn’t stop crying (to put it nicely). every time i feel like losing it, i look up to God and ask for H.E.L.P.!!! short simple prayers get answered all the time, and i’m so grateful i’m still able to sit and find time to blog about this, otherwise i think i would have already gone crazy pengsan (fainted)!!

this is an old song; heard it in one of Passion’s live concert album that’s in my pc and it captured me immediately. it’s simple yet comforting. i found the vid from YouTube and cried after watching it. So great is God’s love for us. Thank You God for Your faithfulness and Your grace.

3rd year anniversary

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today is our 3rd year anniversary… how time has flown! we’re closer to being 3 decade old, Arielle will be 2 years old this year… and then some. 🙂 

our journey together started on May 19th where we registered at Putrajaya, and then church ceremony and reception on May 20th. happiest day of my life as i committed myself in front of God and loved ones to my beloved friend and now husband. 

look how thin we were!

look how thin we were!

saya janji saya akan masak dinner sebaik yang boleh

saya janji saya akan masak dinner sebaik yang boleh

husband and wife lawfully

husband and wife lawfully

finally after more than 1hr's gruelling torture from the 'chi-mui's

finally after more than 1hr's gruelling torture from the 'chi-mui's

kiss the bride

kiss the bride

after the kiss... KC the cameraman caught the moment

after the kiss... KC the cameraman caught the moment

church ceremony

church ceremony

the front crew

the front crew

family pic

family pic with a few members MIA

cheers

cheers

so, how is married life so far? hmm… good; i can say that just within these 3 years, we’ve experienced a lot; one of the obvious reasons is because of Arielle and the shift here to Bratislava. life is different being a married couple and not staying with our family, more different when we have Arielle, and even more different when we’re in a different country. but i suppose we’ve been independent since our uni days – we’ve learnt and shared a lot together and this has taught us to depend on each other and on God. 

it’s without a doubt by God’s grace and favour that we are where we are today. we’re also always surrounded with good people – those who have given us wise counsel and those who have always made themselves available for us have in one way or another have tighten the bond in our friendship and consequently our marriage. i pray that in 50 or 60 years down the road, we’ll still be able to maintain the love, trust and faith we have for each other … by much of God’s grace and goodness inevitably. 

I LOVE YOU AYLWIN LEONG! BLESSED ANNIVERSARY DEAR!  

muah!!

muah!!

Un-Charismati-zing

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i thought this song is superb. ‘The God I Know’ – City Harvest Church; like it a lot! 

honestly, i really really miss the worship we have back in KAOG. there were live music, and we could clap or dance or lift our hands whenever we wish – a far cry from where i used to attend church in Penang (Burmah Road Gospel Hall). i wonder how or when i’ve become so ‘charismati-zed’. 

attending church here brings me back to the days at church in Penang; it reminds me of how i could worship without loud music, without the ‘essential’ instruments, without having to clap even. because worship also comes in a form of reverance – i don’t always need to lift my hands to show how much i want to praise God, it’s the heart that matters most. the thing is, i got so used to having those ‘environment’ for worship in KAOG that i’ve become somewhat lost in service here in a Lutheran church. 

then i start asking myself:

why has music become such an important part of worship for me? am i able to worship just the same without it? if not, why? 

‘Heart of Worship’ by Matt Redman speaks volumes about this. i really need to re-consider and check myself.

In Need of More Solids

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… am listening to audio sermons from KAOG archive. the longest sermons here at church last for 20mins max, and we don’t have to refer to our Bibles. the message is mostly on the surface – well, maybe just for me; but the minister is an interesting and funny guy. i always enjoy listening to him, would be great if he could dwell a little bit deeper and longer on his topics though.

anyways, guess i can get some solids from the link here to ‘keep the fire burning’. plus, it’s good to hear some good ol Malaysian humour we miss so much.

Unconsciously Judging

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i’ve been spending more time with my friend Annette and her baby Chantal these days. We share a lot of things to each other about our family, our culture and our opinions and perception of things. As we come from such different backgrounds, there’s always something new to learn about each other.

this question just came to me again as i reflect on the things i’ve thought and shared out loud with her about cultures and people, most of the time talking about the differences in the Western with our Asian culture; they’re mostly my thoughts and not necessarily facts.

was i being too judgemental? why did i think like that?

this question came about the 1st time when ayl and i had a bad encounter with our neighbours on Christmas day itself. there was a car parked right behind us, blocking our exit and there was no other way out unless the driver moved his car. what else are we to do? there was no note or number to call so like what we usually do in Malaysia, we started to honk. it was really loud, and we waited for 5 – 10mins in the cold, but no one came. what next? as we continued our honking, we heard someone shouted really loudly from the apartment opposite. it was unintelligible coz it was in Slovak (so we didn’t know it was because of us); after another loud press on the horn, a man appeared at the balcony and shouted loudly at us in Slovak with his fist and disappeared quickly in. ayl and i were shocked!! and we felt sorry too to be causing so much racket in the middle of the day, but we couldn’t understand a word from the guy till a passerby interpretted for us – ‘baby sleeping’, what’s more, we’re stuck in this spot in the cold! as we considered for a few mins to either wait some more in silence or go back into the house, the driver finally came and removed his car. both ayl and i glared at him… 😛

needless to say, we were quite upset over what had happened. we felt really terrible for causing so much trouble on Christmas day; but at the same time, i felt intimidated as well. my blood started to boil all of a sudden and questions started going through my mind that night.

why did he have to shout? why can’t he be more civilized? how rude is that? why couldn’t he see we were in a spot? what else were we supposed to do? are Slovaks so bad tempered and ‘uneducated’?

this went on for a few days as i was quite upset over the incident. then come one day as i was pondering about this again and comparing mental notes with what facts that Annette has shared with me about Slovakia and its history during communism (Slovakia declared their Independence only in 1993), God showed me how i had judged too quickly, how i didn’t stop to understand first before i started to form negative opinions of these people. guiltily i confessed and repented. i would tell myself again and again now, to ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood’.

a few days later, ‘Our Daily Bread’ devotional taught on Judging – how timely for me.

January 9, 2009

To Judge Or Not To Judge

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READ: Matthew 7:1-21

Judge not, that you be not judged. —Matthew 7:1

What better way to tell people to mind their own business than to quote Jesus? People who seldom read the Bible are quick to quote Matthew 7:1 when they want to silence someone whose opinion they don’t like. “Judge not, that you be not judged” seems like the perfect response.

In context, however, the passage indicates that we are indeed to judge; we’re just supposed to avoid faulty judgments. Furthermore, our judgments are to begin with self: “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye,” Jesus said (v.5). He then said, “Beware of false prophets” (v.15). This too requires judging—we need to be able to discern truth from falsehood.

Jesus used the metaphor of fruit to give us the proper criteria for judging. “By their fruits you will know them” (v.20). We are to judge people (including ourselves) by the quality of the fruit they produce. This fruit cannot be judged by earthly values such as how good we look (v.15). It must be judged by heavenly values—the fruit of the Spirit produced within us—love, joy, peace (Gal. 5:22).

Our tendency is to judge by appearance. But God judges by what we produce, and so should we. —Julie Ackerman Link

They truly lead who lead by love
And humbly serve the Lord;
Their lives will bear the Spirit’s fruit
And magnify His Word. —D. De Haan

Be slow to judge others and quick to judge yourself.